Shifting Self-Criticism with Compassionate Curiosity
When the Inner Critic shows up they tend to carry with them an arsenal of handy tools capable of leveling our confidence fueled, true sense of Self and purpose. The Inner Critic can be a relentless force, whispering (or shouting) that we aren't good enough, smart enough, or accomplished enough. It's a common struggle, especially for those who lean towards perfectionism. The truth is, perfection is an impossible standard, and aiming for it can lead to burnout and unhappiness. Alternatively, we can focus on progress while disrupting the Inner Critic’s voice with compassionate curiosity.
Questions to Disrupt the inner critics narratives
Is this thought based on facts or feelings? The inner-critic often makes an appearance when we touch on an emotion that creates discomfort. Tracking back the current situation, where did the Inner Critic begin this most recent shouting? Was there a situation or interaction that created an emotion (stress, frustration, anger, embarrassment, etc.) that invited your Inner Critic forward? What information is available when reflecting upon this situation? By distinguishing between what are feelings vs. what is a fact we can begin to see things more clearly.
What would I say to a friend in this situation? We tend to be much kinder to others than to ourselves. Imagine a friend is going through the same thing you're criticizing yourself for. How would you support them?
What have I accomplished so far? Reflecting on your achievements and progress can help counterbalance the focus on what you perceive as failures.
How can I learn from this? Instead of seeing a mistake as a failure, what gold can you mine from the situation? What did you learn? What might you do differently next time?
Is perfection really the goal here? Remind yourself that perfection is not only unattainable but also unnecessary. Striving for improvement and doing your best is what truly matters and that takes consistency in action. Trying again and again, even in the face of challenge. It can be “work” and that’s okay, just keep going.
What’s the worst that can happen? Often, our fears are exaggerated. Considering the worst-case scenario can help put things in perspective and reduce anxiety.
How does this thought serve me? Knowing that your Inner Critic often makes an appearance when attempting to protect you from more difficult emotions can soften the edges of intensity. The Inner Critic attempts to use lived experience of “proof” that our worse fears about ourselves are true and if they can help the Self see that, nobody in the external world can hurt you because you already know the “truth”. While this is counterproductive and counterintuitive to our mental health and overall well-being, we can meet these attempts with compassion. Evaluate whether your Inner Critics messaging is helping you grow or just bringing you down. If they aren't serving a constructive purpose, it's time to let this inner dialogue go. Try recognizing (and perhaps even thanking) your Inner Critic for working so hard to keep you “safe” while inviting them to take a rest, allowing in a fresh narrative rooted in confident action forward.
Embrace Imperfection
Perfectionism can stifle creativity and hinder growth. By accepting that imperfection is a natural part of life, we open ourselves up to new possibilities and a more fulfilling journey. Remember, the goal is not to be perfect but to be real, to grow, and to be kind to ourselves along the way. Perfectionism is a lie. Period.
When your Inner Critic takes the wheel, pause and ask these questions. They can help you shift your perspective, reduce the harshness of your Inner Critic, and embrace the beauty of imperfection. Remember that it's our flaws and challenges that shape us into who we are.
Interested in additional action based personal development practices to work with your Inner-Critic while growing your self-compassion and confidence? I can help with that! Lets set up a coaching consultation to explore your goals and how I can help you reach them.